I am so glad I turned off my phone last night. I checked it this morning and sure enough, I was asked on a date. Gosh! I totally messed up on this. I totally led him on. I was just picking on him. I really don't like him. I'm such a jerk! I am disgusted with myself. What kind of terrible person do you have to be to play hard-to-get jokingly and then encourage him to ask you and then say no. Ahhhh! I feel sooooo bad! I am such an idiot! I'm not going to lie, that's what I did. I absolutely hate myself for it. I didn't know it'd be like this. I had no idea what I was doing. How could I be so freakin' stupid??? I was rude to my friend by texted a lot in front of her, I was a total BUTT to this guy who finally got the nerve to ask me. I HATE myself! I'm an encourager, not hurter. I hate hurting people. This is so retarded. I can't believe I made this happen.
You know, every time I have been in a fight or flight situation, I've always chosen flight. I wish I could just so away. I wish it was summer so I could get out of this place. I want to run away until the problem is forgotten. I want to go places. I want to go and leave my past to blow away with the wind. But that's not realistic.
I know what I'm going to say. I'm going to tell him I'm flattered but that the distance isn't logical and I feel I don't need to get too involved with guys at this point in my life and that I value our friendship and that I hope I didn't give the wrong impression. Sound ok? I hate hurting people. It sucks. Cause I know what they're feeling. I'm too empathic for this. But I'm going to do it and get it over with and move on with life. It's gonna happen in life, I'm going to have to say no and hurt some guys. But it really does suck. Oh well... pray for me!!!
With love for Him.
Yours truly,
SD
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