Mixed Feelings

So, I've discovered the root of what my whole last post was about. Basically, I was trying to put myself in a situation where I would be completely dependent on God alone, because I'd never done that before. Sure, I depend on God to take care of my soul, but what about my body? I was plagued with the idea of giving away all my money and extra clothes, I even wanted to try fasting just to prove that all I needed was God. It was strange, but I'm kind of over it now. I'm still dependent on God, I thank Him every time I receive something. But now I'm not going to rashly give away all of my money. I know what I'm saving for and it will bring more glory to God than a donation.

So, switching subjects, I just got done watching Super 8. It was really good! Now I want to make a movie with my friends. Haha :) But it brought back to my attention something very odd about me. I've always been very empathetic, but I've realized that when someone is grieving or something like that, I can literally feel their pain. I've never been that upset before but I feel their hurt in my heart. I feel it like I'm experiencing it myself. It's strange...

I had more to say but... I forgot. Maybe I'll post again later. I'm feeling kinda weird right now.

Oh well. God is good. :) I still pray for Steve every day. I'm so excited for Puerto Rico. Let's pray big things happen.

Sarah

This is not about me.

God has given me this strange but strong desire to give. I want to give my money, all of it. I've been saving it for months but it doesn't matter anymore. I want to give my extra clothes, I have so many. I don't wear half of them anyway. I want to give my stuff, any of it, all of it, to anyone who needs it. Me? I don't need anything. Nothing but God. His grace is enough. I will give my time, my labor, myself. Anything to bring God glory. I'm exhausted from camp, so what? This isn't about my physical body. I want to show God's love, His compassion. What do I need? This isn't about me. This is about everyone else. This is about God.

There was this guy at Fuge. His name is Steve. God called him to go to California so he dropped everything and literally hitchhiked across America. Once he got to California, he was homeless for two months. But every day God provided for him. Now he's playing with the Seth Medley Band which our church is very close to. They play at Fuge and our D-now's. Steve is doing God's will and has a home with Seth (the leader of the band).

You just don't know how hard that story hits me. I don't know why, I honestly have no idea. But I pray for Steve every day. With my whole heart I beg God to bless him. All the time I think of Steve and it makes me selfless. He was HOMELESS. He understands hunger, loneliness, maybe even fear. I don't know what it is like to be really, truly hungry. I've never been without food or a bed. I don't know what that's like! Why should I hoard my riches? Why should I sit here on my big, soft bed and complain because I don't have a cool iPod or phone or because I can't go swimming today or because I don't have the coolest shoes? What does all that mean? Nothing! It means nothing! I should be thanking God that I'm alive today.

But this isn't about me. At camp, I changed. Nothing is about me anymore. This isn't about me! It's about everybody else! I don't know why but it sickens me to think how anyone could be so selfish. So selfish as to ignore the hurting, to judge the poor, to pile up all this money to spend on useless things for OURSELVES. What does that say about God's people? We are to be like Christ so that the broken world can see His hope through us.

This isn't just a spiritual high. I will fight with my entire being for it to stay this way if it is. I will fight for God. This is not an empty promise! I made a covenant with God! This is my new life! I am going to start living like a real Christian should!

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I'm just writing what I'm feeling because these feelings are so big. I just have this love in me, it's so big. This compassion that overflows in my soul. This is all so sappy but... I don't know. I halfway hope no one actually reads this because I have no idea what this is all about. But if you do read this, let the Spirit work in you through it. God, let my words bring you glory.

Sarah

Freedom is...

SUMMER!!!!!!

SUMMER!!!!!!

SUMMER!!!!!!

SUMMER!!!!!!

SUMMER!!!!!!

SUMMER!!!!!!

SUMMER!!!!!!

School comes to an end

Tomorrow at noon I will done with school for the next three months. I feel like running and screaming with everything in me. Not necessarily because I will not longer have to get up at 6 or do homework, but because I will be free. Yes, free. To heck with grades and papers, let my adventures begin.


.. and of course it doesn't help that I'm listening to Boys Like Girls who always get me in this sort of mood. I should just stop now before I begin ranting on and on about something that is foolish. ;) 


Oh! It's the finale of America's Next Top Model! Got to go!


Yours truly,
SD

Oh but to run through the forest and dance in the summer air. 

 To be free from obligations and responsibilities. 

To throw caution to the wind as well as all other cares and to rejoice in being a child. 

Oh to live in the trees and converse with the birds. 

To let the cool water rush over my feet and legs. 

To find pictures in the stars and frogs in the grass. 

To have the crickets sing me to sleep. 

To let my dreams grow as big and wide as the sky itself. 

To let the words flow from my brain through my fingers and onto the paper. 

To have time and freedom and purpose. 

That is what it's all about. 

Four more days until this becomes reality. . .

Mother's Day and other matters...

So today is Mother's Day and for my mother I made a card and am cooking her dinner. It will be delicious... chicken in creamy herb sauce with rice cooked in broth and asparagus, tomatoes and onions baked in the oven with olive oil and salt and pepper. I'm excited to make it. And get this, my brother actually volunteered to help me cook if I need him! That's new...


So right now I am watching Pride and Prejudice (the one with Keira Knightly) and oh... I am in heaven. I forgot how much I adore this movie. I really want to read the book now that I actually know what happens and who the characters are. I'd definitely suggest watching the movies to any of Jane Austen's books before reading it. Oh goodness me... I love this so much. I have laughed aloud about 5 times already and I'm 30 minutes into it. I laugh purely out of enjoyment. Oh if only I could sit here and watch this movie every day for the rest of my life. 


Have a good day, all. I will surely dwell in bliss today, watching Pride and Prejudice.


With love for my King and Savior.


Yours truly,
SD

En español...

La escuela fue terrible en la actualidad. Me desagrada a muchos de mis profesores por ahora. Algunos de los chicos de mi clase son peores que las niñas acerca de los chismes, gimiendo, y de ser inseguro. Me voy a un concierto de esta noche Zac Brown Band. Estoy muy emocionado. Ah, por cierto, probablemente no pasó la prueba española que tomé hoy. La ironía? Tal vez. Pero, ¿quién se preocupa por la escuela? Es casi una y pronto no tendrá que preocuparse de nuevo por un largo tiempo. Bueno, me voy a ir ahora. Si se tomaron el tiempo para traducir todo esto, felicitaciones.

Oren por Emma. Me encanta que todos y cada uno.

Con el amor a Dios.

Atentamente,
SD