So I just got finished watching the Romeo and Juliet movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. Of course now I'm all caught up in this romantic stuff. And it doesn't help that Leonardo is incredibly hot and - well, let's just admit it - sexy. But even beyond that, I can't help but marvel at such a good idea as that of Romeo and Juliet. Shakespear truly must be the greatest author of the English language. The more I read his works, the more I am in awe of his talent. It is a level of greatness I will never reach. Such poetry and honest truth behind those eloquent words we're not used to that people get so caught up on. Why do people complain about his lengthy descriptions and "big words"? Can't they see what it's saying? Shakespear speaks of human nature. Of something everyone can relate to. No matter what day and age it is, all humans are alike. He can put feelings into words so smoothly it's as if your very own heart wrote it (cheesy, maybe, but true).
Romeo and Juliet specifically gives me hope for love. At times, I honestly think I will never marry. I've accepted my destiny as an old maid, and I am setting my mind to be content with that. I think I gave up the hope of actually finding a man (now I know I'm only 15 but all girls dream and hope for their future husband... and I'm beginning to think it's all a trick). Every time I read a story or watch a movie about a great guy who is totally, irrevocably in love with a girl, I think "Wow, I want a guy like that". But then I remember, it's just a story. He doesn't exist. I feel like by reading all of these stories, I'm getting this expectation set in my mind that can never be reached. And what girl wants to settle?
And sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who takes love seriously. I want love. LOVE. I don't want some goofy crush. All of my friends who are dating say it's great and they tell me all these sweet things but I realize they are just floating on the surface of what love is. They don't want to get serious because we're too young for that. And it's true, we are. My desires for a significant other is matured way beyond my age. I want devotion. I want love. True, passionate, insane love that makes it seem like the only reason worth living is for that love. But then I question, does that even exist? And around and around my mind goes in this vicious circle...
Then there's God. I feel bad that I spend so much time thinking about satisfying this desire through a boy when God probably wants me to focus only on Him. Ughh... this is why I avoid the topic of boys and love and all of that crap. I'd rather fix my mind of being content with being single all my life. Then all of this just goes away. It seems easy enough. Maybe I'll join a convent. But I'm not Catholic... Oh well...
... if I become a nun, would I be missing out on possibly the greatest gift God has given to man?
I am too young to be concerned with such thoughts. I am only 15. I should be thinking about Barbies and dress-up and tea parties.
With peace and love,
Sarah
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