School is slowly killing my soul. I think I know why. Because the opposite schedules of our (yeah, you know who I'm talking about) schools make it impossible to talk. So I'm upset because I don't want to do school (plus I'm tired from getting up so early lately) and I am stupidly obsessed with wanting to talk to him. When things like this happens I feel like God may be letting me take a break from thinking about him and then I think I don't like him but as soon as he says a word, I realized it never left.
I feel stupid. I feel like I'm being selfish and not following what God wants me to do. But I also think that I've been trying to protect my heart for so long, following all the rules to being a "good girl", that now I can't accept when I really like someone. It's like I tell myself that it's bad that I like them. I make myself feel guilty and come up with reasons not to like them. But if I keep this up, I will will never be able to love anyone. In a way, I wish he'd read this and just graciously let me know if he does or does not like me. But at the same time, I'd be completely mortified.
And now I feel like I'm wasting my time worrying about this when I could be worrying about those starving kids in Africa. But you know what, right now, this is big in my life and I need to get this out of the way before I try to do anything else big. You have to help yourself before you can help others.
So here we are, making a tad bit more sense now. I hope this means I'm slowly coming out of the confusion. Hopefully this means I can progress with figuring out what to do next. Oh well. Thanks for venturing into the dysfunctional mind and thought process of Sarah. Tune in later for an update.
With love for Him.
Yours truly,
SD
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