Thinking back on this past year, a lot has changed since I stood in this same position at the beginning of 2010. So many things I have learned. For instance, just because your friends change, doesn't mean your friendship is crashing down. God uses everything and everyone to show us how great He is. If you ask God for something (e.i. patience) He will give you the opportunity to be patient rather than just giving you this abundance of patience. Make sense? Watch Evan Almighty and you'll get it. ;) Some more things I've learned: seek God with your everything and He will make everything right, you don't need powerful worship to be on fire for God (though it does help), you are stronger than you think you are. God will never put you into something you cannot bear. And more recently I've learned that He has the power to make sense of the things that confuse you most and He will guide you when you feel lost. I guess I should fill you in on all that junk:
I forgot what I called him before. Well, the same guy that I talked about liking before, I really, really, really like him now. I'm going to call him Dude. So lately we've been texting a lot and now I like him more than ever. His personality is totally unique and he is like a storehouse of random information. He is such a dork and a nerd but that makes him, him. And sometimes I feel like I say the stupidest stuff but he never makes me feel stupid. He always makes me feel funny (when I'm not!) and maybe this is just me hallucinating because I like him so much. I don't know if he likes me or not but he certainly captured me. I don't mean to brag but when he first starting going to my ex-school, everyone thought he was weird and told me about how strange he was. So I decided to investigate myself and ever since our first, short conversation of Facebook, he intrigued me. Eventually everyone grew to love him but I never lost that weird interest in him. Not as in a crush (not at that time), but I was curious about his personality. One day I realized I liked him, later I thought I'd gotten over him but when I saw him again, it all came rushing back. Now, I like him so much, it makes me question what true love feels like. Sometimes I doubt myself and my feminist side tells me I'm pathetic and shouldn't have to be at the mercy of a guy. But at the same time, I can't deny that I kinda am. It's a constant battle inside me. But somehow I still know God's in control of it all and I KNOW He has the perfect guy for me to date. But what I need to know is... is Dude the one? Cause if not, I'm risking a ton of heartache and emotional pain. It's a risky situation to be in. *sigh* This is mainly why I'm trying to wait for a sound answer from God before moving too far into this friendship.
And then there's a whole other factor. He lives forever away. So even if (now this is a huge fantasy, just so you know) he likes me and asked me to go out with him, I'd never be able to see him or go on many dates. Maybe when we can drive we'd see each other more but that's like 2 years away. So that's the whole realistic side of it all. And then I have all kinds of voices telling me different things. I have one good friend telling me to go for it, to dream and trust my heart. To take a leap of faith for my love. Then I have another good friend who has been through something similar and ended up being hurt terribly. I know it seems like I should listen to the experienced friend but part of me just doesn't want to. Ugh I wish it wasn't such a big ordeal.
God,
Please help me. Please give me clear guidance so that I know what You want me to do and so that I can only do what You want me to. I only want to do Your will. You would not have put this person in my life if you didn't want me to do something. So tell me. I can't make these decisions on my own. You are all-knowing so You tell me.
Your daughter,
SD
I could really relate to the first paragraph because that's pretty much exactly where I was last year. Like I would expect God to give me what I would ask for (like patience, strength, discerning, etc.) and be surprised when he'd give me the oppurtunities to do these things. (Evan Almighty! YES!) I feel like I've grown so much in depth from last year...but I'm sure I'll feel the same way next year about myself. That's the thing, it's a beautiful journey that really never reaches its destination because, well, it doesn't have one. There's always room to grow.
ReplyDeleteOn the paragraph about you and "Dude" :), I really can't offer much advice. Even though I am a feminist, if I had a chance at love, I would take it. So I personally think you should, too, even if it means just being friends with Dudley at the time being. Though I may not be in line with God's Will with the "going for it" part, I want you to know I'd support you with whichever way you go. :)
Just so you know, he doesn't act like he likes anybody at our school, and based on how much you guys talk, I would say he likes you (though I'm not always the best judge of that). But anywho, just pray for God's guidance (as you are already doing), and I know He will show you his will. I love you!