New Favorite

I've finally gotten over country music. I used to like it, then I only liked some of it, and now I just... don't. I have found a new band that I really, really like. It's called Nana Grizol. (Yes, it's a weird name, get over it). Some of my favorites are Circles 'Round the Moon, Cynicism, and Tambourine 'n Thyme. 


Oh! And then there is Toby Foster. Oh, my, my, my. I adore Toby Foster! He is so, amazingly good. He is an unbelievably good musician and he has a very unique way of singing which I can't get enough of. He looks so young. But my brother has met him (he's in Atlanta, if I'm thinking of the right person) at a house concert (when tiny, underground, no-name bands go to someone's house and play and people come and listen) and apparently he's really cool. Here is him playing one of his songs, Speech Patterns: 

I just love it. Anyway, there you go. That's what I listen to on top of Mumford and Sons, Avett Brothers, Blink 182, Brand New, Green Day, and a few others. Just in case you were wondering...


Sarah :)

Opportunities and disappointments

So, I have some really, really exciting news and then reality falling right behind. Good news always goes first so here we go:

My church is giving the high school students a chance to go on a mission trip to Jelsava, Slovakia this coming up summer. We would be helping with sports, English camps, spiritual surveying, door-to-door witnessing and community service projects. Our youth group has a special heart for these people, the Roma people. For the past three years, the church camp we go to have been taking up offerings to support the Roma people. We bought bracelets and other things to remind us to pray for them. It is like a dream come true to be able to go and meet them. BUT, the cost is whole other issue. It is $875 PLUS AIRFARE, plus the cost of a passport plus money for food while traveling plus extra spending money. Considering a ticket to Slovakia is about $1,500, this trip would add up to be about $2,500. In other words, I'm not going.

Then there is another trip that is offered to me by my school. This coming up summer, my school is going to China. They have gone before (they have connections with people in China) and are planning on going again. We would do lots of touristy stuff, you know, sight seeing and shopping and eating. But one of the days we would also go and help teach English somewhere. I would also love to go on this, I mean, hello, it's China. We would go see the Great Wall! One of the Seven Wonders of the World! Heck, I may never get this chance again! However, the price of this trip will be as much if not more than the Slovakia trip.

And considering how my mother doesn't believe in sending out support letters, getting the money for either of these would be very difficult. Of course, if God is calling me to go, I know He will provide. And it would be amazing to watch Him supply the money. But I am not yet convinced He has really called me to go on either trip. I need to pray about it more.

But anyway, there are my two unbelievable opportunities and the tragic realities that come with them. Pray that I will follow where God leads me and be content if He wants me to stay.

Sarah

This is just how I feel right now...

I think I would be perfectly happy to be by myself for the rest of my life. I have God and I have friends. I don’t need a boy to feel good about myself. I don’t want to waste time dealing with sappy flirting and mixed emotions. I could just sit here on my floor all by myself with my thoughts to keep me company. I have many thoughts to think. I can laugh with my friends and spend time with my family. There is no need for a boy. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I am content with Jesus and with myself. God can take me on many adventures. He can show me exciting things; things a lot more exciting than awkward dates and nerve racking, meet-the-parents dinners. Yes, all of those things are pointless and too much trouble. 

Keep life simple, keep it pure. Take only what you need. This is a big world and many opportunities will arrive at our doors. The world is open to us. We are free to make our choices. Don’t let your life pass by unnoticed. We are given each day for a purpose. Be productive in every way. Don’t only please yourself, but strive to please others. Face your fears and overcome them. Own up to your mistakes and learn from them. In everything, bring glory to God and love Him with your whole being.

Sarah

Art

I am taking an art history class this year and while I'm not too keen on actually drawing and learning about things like perspective and the color wheel, the pictures of art in the book is absolutely beautiful. I love to flip through and look at the exquisite paintings and flawless sculptures. Here are two of my favorites.

I absolutely adore this painting. The look on her face, the room, the draping sheets, the light. I could not imagine it more perfect.

The David statue. I love it. If you are mature enough to look past his obvious nakedness, you notice the amazing details. His muscles, his hair, his eyes, his hands and feet. It's all so realistic. It's amazing how a human body can come out of a chunk of rock. It's beautiful. 


There are many more but I can't find them online. I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. I better go now. Have a good week!


Sarah

Give Me Faith -- Elevation Worship

I LOVE this song. Especially the bridge. "I may be weak, Your spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail, my God you never will." That is my life motto. That is my constant prayer. This song makes me feel like I can take on the world and no matter what happens, God really is enough for me. He truly, really is all I need. His grace is sufficient for me. It is a crazy feeling. And I love it.

Sarah

A Pretty Picture

Please paint me a pretty picture,
A picture playing with poignant problems,
A picture pledging to punish the pugnacious,
A picture prodding at petty people,
A picture pouring out poetic parables, 
A picture piercing the precious padding that hides our precariously paralleled hearts,
Please paint me a pretty picture that will parade in our minds forever.


Sarah

there's a fire in the sky

 Don't forget me.

circles round the moon is this why city lights feel so awful?

it should be unlawful to live where you can't see the stars

When it all comes down a sunrise on the east side

glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes you can forget

We're walking into the field, we're walking into the forest

 I will hold on hope

I and love and you

Practica

Hola! Yo estoy muy feliz. Espanol es no dificil. Mi nombre en la clase de espanol es Juana porque nosotros fuimos a Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico! Me gusta mi nombre de espanol. Me amo el libro yo estoy leer. Yo tengo a leer veinte libros por la clase de ingles. No dificil por me. Yo tengo a ir. Hasta la vista, mi amigos! Tienes el bien dia! 


Amor, 
Sarah


p.s. I did all of that from memory! No Google Translate or anything! I am so proud! :D

School was... tolerable. I can tell this is going to be an exceptionally hard year. My classes are split into three categories: the ones I'm terrified of, the ones I'm excited for, and the ones I'm apathetic about. 


Terrified -- World History, Biology 
Excited -- Spanish 2!!! And World Literature 
Apathetic -- Math, Art History (well, I'm halfway between apathetic and excited about    Art History, haha)


My bio teacher is rather frightening. I can tell she's nervous cause we're a big class and she's never taught before but her being uptight makes us feel uptight. 


My Spanish teacher is amazing. She teaches mostly in Spanish (like, she speaks Spanish most of the time). The reason I like her so much is because she wants to teach us conversational  Spanish, Spanish we'll actually use. She is going to make sure we can read, speak, write and hear Spanish. I am super excited. I really, really want to learn to speak the language fluently. 


Oh well... Yo estoy muy sueno. Estas tu? Yo estoy. Buenos noches, mi amigos! Dulce suenos!


Sarah

School begins.

Tomorrow morning marks the beginning of a new school year. I'm trying so hard to keep a positive attitude about this. I can't wait to show Mrs. Hutchins that I'm not afraid of her. I'm past the urge to rebel against these tall orders, now I just want to prove to her I can do it. 

Let's pray that this school year will be very productive in more ways than one. Let's take on each challenge head on. Let's not break from stress or be burdened by lack of appeal, but let us be driven by a desire to learn.


"Are we getting an education to be served or to serve?" -- Jason Russell 


Sarah

I love.

I feel so bad for the people out there who have to endure all the pain and evils of this world. I wish so badly that I could just take all of it for them. I can take it. Just give the weak a rest, give the scared some relief, give the depressed hope. I don't mean to say any of this to boast, I just need to say it. If I had the opportunity to take all the pain of this world in place of someone else, I would. I can be strong. I can't stand to think that there are people out there who don't have the will to live another day while I'm here with no worries, no burdens. It's so hard for me to understand why God would let people kill themselves because they feel unloved.

People can feel so many big things. Things like hatred, sorrow, emotional pain, despair, hopelessness, anxiety, fear. Those are such big emotions. They are enough to tear us down and kill us. But more powerful than any of them is love. Love can turn a life around in an instant. It can alter your eternal destiny. Love is shown by action. Love is sacrifice. Love is not easy. Not real love. And I feel like I have so much love inside me, I just want to let it all out. I want to love people. I want to sacrifice for people. I would do anything to let the hopeless people of the world know that I love them. And even more, that Jesus Christ loves them.

I think I'm beginning to understand how Jesus felt as he died on the cross for us. It's a desperate attempt to pour out every ounce of love He had for us. It was his joy. He loves us.

I don't know why I wrote this I just felt like I should.

Composed

I know I'm writing lots of blog posts. Really the purpose for that last one was just to get it off my chest and give myself some room to let out what I was feeling. But don't worry, it's all chill now. (And just for the record, he did not sing to me. I politely declined) I'm not freaking out anymore but the whole thing still makes me unsure. I've never, ever liked a guy and he like me back. But after a whole lot of praying last night, I'm at peace and know what I'm doing. I just have to put God first in my life (not just mentally but physically doing things that put Him above him) and asked for direction. God will tell me what to do. I will wait on His answers. Besides, I always feel so peaceful and secure when I focus on God more than anything else. So that's just what I'm going to have to do. 


Anyway, I'll make this a short post. Pray for me because I'm a freak and flip out about these things. ;) May all glory and praise go to God, the Creator. 


Sarah

Freaking out for probably no reason

Oh my gosh. I must have a commitment phobia or something. So this guy I sorta like, he just offered to sing me to sleep. And yes, that's cute and romantic or whatever but I'm freaking out! It scares me! I feel like I'm losing control! So this is why I never want to date anyone... Who ever said this was supposed to be fun? Not that we're dating! No! We're not! I would flip out! I would cry! What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm just tired. I did stay up until 3 last night. That must be it. Maybe I'm PMSing. Something is wrong with me. Why am I like this? 


Jesus Christ,
Is this normal? Oh my Lord be with me! I feel so out of control. I feel like this isn't right. Am I betraying you, oh Lord? I'm so stupid, I know nothing about this kind of stuff. This truly is why I will never date in high school. It's so... weird. We're all stupid and don't know anything. The last thing I ever want to do is blinding go down a road that will lead me away from you. I need you, God! I cannot survive without you showing me where to go each day. I can't make decisions on my own, Lord. Tell me what to do and I will obey. Give me peace, God. I love you with my whole heart.


Amen.

Well crap

It's happened again. I'm going to have to choose to put Him first. I don't know if this is right or wrong but I can't help it. No! *hard slap on the arm* I've been doing that a lot in the past 24 hours. I'm disciplining myself. Can't get carried away. God is my focus, my only desire. Everything else will pass away. God is always constant, always consistent, always right. 


I know this is making no sense but... well it does to me. I don't want to sound like a stupid, immature teenager so I'm not going to directly tell you what is going on. But I'm sure you can guess. I feel so stupid. 

God, 
Is this right? Is this what you want? I don't need to be distracted, you have great things planned for me, you told me! I don't want this to get in the way! I don't want anything to get in the way. If this isn't what you want, tell me so now and I will immediately restrain myself. It's just that... this one is actually a possibility. It's so close I can almost taste it. This time it could really happen. But not if it would keep me from doing your will. You always rescue me, my Jesus. You are my best friend. Tell me where to go, Lord. Tell me how to handle this. I need you. And I love you. 


Your daughter,
Sarah

New school year's resolution

Here are my resolutions for the new school year:


-- try very hard to understand and succeed in Spanish
-- Teach Kaleo wholeheartedly each week
-- Sew myself an entire outfit
-- Knit/crochet a scarf
-- Finally finish my quilt
-- Try to do little weekend missions at least twice a month


I'm so excited! :) Especially about sewing my own outfit and doing the weekend missions. I wonder how many of these I'll actually get done! I guess we'll see. :) 


"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" ~ Jeremiah 32:27


Sarah

Chaos in my mind

Ok, I have a lot on my mind, so here it goes.


So all summer a friend and I (we'll call her Page) have been planning on doing a Bible study at my church for the middle school girls. You know about this, it was in my last post. Kaleo. So it started when we were trying to find a place to do it at that wasn't at the church. We wanted some place cozy and nice so that the girls would feel free to open up and speak. But we soon found that to be difficult because no businesses are open on Sundays and our houses are way in the middle of nowhere. So I really prayed about it and felt like God was telling me to have it at the church and just be thankful that we have such a cool youth building. I told Page this and I could tell she was still sorta hanging on to the off-campus idea. So I just told her we'd pray some more about it. Then our youth pastor Kyle suggested Isabella (who has been doing a MS girls Bible study all summer) work with us. I have nothing against Isabella and I am perfectly fine with her working with us. I just don't know her very well and don't know how she teaches. Plus, I was worried that she would get burned out doing a Bible study all summer AND all school year. I was sharing this all with Page when she said we should just give it up to God and accused me of making excuses because I didn't want to work with Isabella. This frustrated me a little but I let it go because I didn't want to cause drama. But then again, we had already talked to Micah about helping us teach and I'm afraid 4 teachers is too many! Especially if we don't have that many girls show up. However Kyle encouraged it. And now after so many changes and so much effort (that turned up to be worthless) I am just done with it. It makes me not want to do the Bible study anymore. Especially since Page has been a little more of a snob lately (I'm sorry, I hate to be mean but right now I'm just frustrated and confused).  But if I back out now, Page will definitely be PO-ed and might be angry at me for a while (when she gets angry at a friend, she stays angry and is quick to hold grudges and cause drama). So I don't want that to happen because she's the only person I know who will actually do stuff like Bible studies and little missions around the community with me.


Oh! This just in! We have fresh information on the subject. So now Taylor (an intern at the church) has been talking to Kyle and wants to meet with the three of us (Page, Isabella and me) to discuss the Bible study and set things in stone. I have a feeling it would be so much easier (and safe me much stress) to just back out. Page and Isabella can do the Bible study together, that'd be great! And I can stick to my other Bible study.


Oh, that's right. I was also wanting to do a Bible study at my school. This option sounds much more appealing than the last. To me, this Bible study would look like one of two things. 1.) meeting at the school 30 minutes before time to start with the high school girls and just sharing what God taught me that week. or 2.) meeting on Monday nights at probably my house, all of high school, small, cozy, people taking turns teaching, nothing big. I like the sound of option two because it would bring us all together and create the homey feel that Heritage did. We were all so close at Heritage. I'm not sure if anything could be like it... Anyway, I'm also nervous about option two because I'd feel weird teaching in front of all the high school (especially when most of the guys are awkward and probably would respond to any questions or anything). 

I know I should pray about it all but at this point I am so frustrated with all of the options, all of the problems, all of the stuff that needs to be "figured out" that I just want to scream and throw it all away. Then that's when I'm thinking "Why can't things be simple? Why can't I just serve God with my entire being? I'll give all my stuff away, I'll give it all away! I'll throw myself into any service to God, I'll devote my life to anything God wills! Why is it the petty things that always get in the way?" I know those thoughts seem random but it's what I think. Then I remind myself that I need to do that God is calling me to do here and now. He doesn't want me to sell all of my things, he doesn't want me to try to run away from the problems by working. He wants me to stop. And listen. And I try to listen but the voices of these problems seem to be shouting. But no, He says "Be still and know that I am God." 

And I'm trying. I stopped, I prayed, and I listened. But I don't think He's ready to give an answer yet. I just have to trust that He will give it to me when the time is right. 


So for now, we'll put everything on hold. I will wait for His response. I will wait for His word before taking another step. If you've made it this far, I applaud you. You are a tough cookie for making it through that confusing train of thought. Pray for me, though. 


May the God of peace and the God of knowledge be with you wherever you go. 


Sarah