Who am I?

Lately I've realized my biggest problem is being jealous and longing for the life of others. I see my old friends and their new styles and hobbies and lives and I want that. But I can't be them because I'm me. I'm floating around there somewhere in the middle and I don't know what my style is and the only hobby I know I have a passion for is writing. Am I making any sense? Here are some examples.

Two of my friends are amazing photographers. They are also the two of my friends that I'm most jealous of. They maintain their own unique style (clothing, hair, all of the physical things that define a person), one of them is amazing at playing the guitar (a hobby I used to love but haven't done for months so now I've forgotten), one is also another good writer (who seems to have much more inspiration than myself). I love photography, I love how you can deeply you can reach someone without uttering a sound. But whenever I try to take pictures they end up looking amateur, even with the very nice camera I use. I don't know what my style is. I just like what I like and hate what I hate. I'm a mix between a smug of indie, a hair of vintage, and everything else is just like cultural (like, from other countries, especially the Latin American culture. That's my favorite). But it's so hard to find clothes like that. 

Anyway... to get to the point, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like I'm changing. Not only like, personality but taste-wise too; as in my style (how many times can I use that word in one blog entry?). It's different, I don't know many people who are like me. Which is good, I like to be unique and definitely not mainstream. But I feel like I'm undefined. I feel like I'm reaching a whole new chapter in my life and this new chapter is recreating a new me. And that's not bad. I'm still the same person with the same heart and spirit. It's just weird. I've never felt such a change in myself. I guess that's also why I'm jealous. My friends' lives look stable and fun, carefree and un-shifting. While to me, I'm still growing and figuring out what I'm being reincarnated into. Like a puppy growing into his feet. 

Maybe I'm just blowing everything out of proportion. You know I'm just writing my thoughts down as I go. This is how I think through things. But in the end, even when I feel like my identity has been stolen away from me, I can remember that my true definition lies within Christ. I am His child and if I delight in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). He is all I need and no matter who I am or who I'm around, He is the constant in this equation (cheesy metaphor? Yeah, I know...). 

So yeah... there you go. Have you gotten bored yet? Is there anyone out there who's listening? Am I sending the thoughts of my heart out into an empty void? Maybe so... but even if that's the case, this blog has helped me tremendously by getting me to sort out my thoughts.

Thanks for reading! :) Buenos noches! 

With love for Him.

Yours truly,

SD